Because I have no other place/person to talk about how I feel right now, here seems like a perfect spot for me to pour out my thoughts. My heart and mind is in a turmoil. This feels like dejavu. I ought to get used to this pain but why does it feel strangely painful again.
I am so grossed out by how humans behave. How can you claim that you love someone so much and yet in front of another person, you behave the same way. What happened to everlasting. What happened to one and only. What happened to faithfulness. Perhaps it never existed. I mean look at the Chinese Dynasty, men had dozens of wives each. Roman empire, men were always surrounded by goddesses. Even my granddad had two wives. How can love be shared in this manner. Sacred love seems to be a whole lot of bullsh*t.
So sick of the idea of love. Losing my faith in men. In humanity. Will I ever be able to trust someone whole heartedly? Marriage, relationships requires trust and faith. I can't even speak of trust. Because I don't even trust myself, what more others. Faith, its depleting so quickly that I think there's barely anything left. So tired of smiling, so tired of putting up a strong front. Can't someone allow me to cry or let me depend on them? I don't want to hold up this fort alone. I'm exhausted. I am about to throw in the towel, raise the white flag. Hold me. Don't say you will when you can't/wont. F*ck promises, f*ck assurance, f*ck all this sh*t. Go away.
/ Never should have let you in.
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tentylers. Image from weheartit.